”Again, she sighed and nodded. “It was hard at first, but then I really got into studying women’s history and seeing how women are exploited, and I put all of my passion into studying and writing and becoming an advocate for women’s rights. It became important to me and still is, but….” She paused.“But,” I repeated. “It’s always what comes after the word ‘but’ that says what you really think.”Megan chuckled, nodding, indicating she knew what I meant.“But underneath all my teaching and being a feminist, I began hating that word and felt a part of me was being swallowed up by my career and I was compromising who I was and knew I was missing something. Do you know what I mean?”“Yes, you were living an image of what you thought you were supposed to be and not who you really are.”“Right, I was confused, messed up inside and wanting to let the real Megan live.” She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, shaking her head.I didn’t say anything but could see she was struggling to tell me her. “I suppose we’ll have the same dreams as well.” We didn’t. I don’t know what dreams Bob had, but I had none, because I never really managed to sleep. The months of sleeping naked had made me unable to drop off for any time with my skin covered, on top of which I’d got used to sleeping in my own bed at the college and the carpet, I discovered, was less than a substitute. Whenever I dozed off for a few minutes I snapped awake again and then couldn’t get to sleep again. I found myself thinking of Mila, of her naked body leaning over mine, the touch of her lips as she kissed me on the mouth before hoisting my leg over her shoulder and grinding her vulva on mine. My vagina began to moisten, but I couldn’t even masturbate; Bob was literally within touching distance of me. I could hear him breathing, and once his arm flopped over the edge of the sofa so close that I could feel his body heat on my cheek. Around three in the morning I gave it up as a bad job, Tiptoeing in bare feet to.
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